KIGALI, Rwanda - Correspondents in Rwanda are reporting that government troops in the Democratic Republic of Congo have taken to sodomizing local Pygmies in an effort to obtain supernatural powers.

Now, why would you want to go and sodomize these poor little folks?

The Human Rights League of the Great Lakes, a local advocacy group, issued a statement that read, “Some soldiers from the 85th Brigade sodomised three male pygmies to gain supernatural powers and protection in Kisa village in Walikale territory.

“The village chief was stripped and (sodomised) in the presence of his wife, his children and daughter in-law.

“The children in turn were stripped and raped in front of their father.”

If ever the adage “pick on someone your won size” applied …

For more, go here.

MINNEAPOLIS - Ah, those wacky Chinese.

"The Chinese are making what kind of wine? Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!"

Is there no creature that flies, swims or waddles from which they will not extract some body part, pulverize it, put it in some elixir and claim it possesses some extraordinary health benefit?

Consider three-penis wine.

We’re not sure what it’s supposed to do, how it tastes or how it even came to be, but it certainly carries a hefty price tag.

We just wonder how it can be certain it actually contains seal penis. Who’d know? Maybe it contains some other kind of penis. That’d be something of a rip-off.

Despite these crippling economic times, when we feel the need for alcohol-induced oblivion, we think we’ll stick to bourbon, gin, vodka or Sterno.

For more obscure potables, please visit The Bottle Gang.