MINNEAPOLIS - Ah, those wacky Chinese.

"The Chinese are making what kind of wine? Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!"

Is there no creature that flies, swims or waddles from which they will not extract some body part, pulverize it, put it in some elixir and claim it possesses some extraordinary health benefit?

Consider three-penis wine.

We’re not sure what it’s supposed to do, how it tastes or how it even came to be, but it certainly carries a hefty price tag.

We just wonder how it can be certain it actually contains seal penis. Who’d know? Maybe it contains some other kind of penis. That’d be something of a rip-off.

Despite these crippling economic times, when we feel the need for alcohol-induced oblivion, we think we’ll stick to bourbon, gin, vodka or Sterno.

For more obscure potables, please visit The Bottle Gang.