CYBERSPACE - Apparently, 20-somethings are increasingly turning to the Internet to diagnose illnesses, physical maladies and spider bites.

"Take a breath and then cough ... er, type in "Y."

They’re so clever, those kids. Don’t believe us? Go here.

Of course, we laugh now, but as health insurance increasingly becomes a luxury item, maybe they’re on to something.

All we know is that we can’t discern between black and navy blue in dim light, so misdiagnoses are going to be a certainty, and bogus home remedies are sure to follow.

Welcome to the start of the new Dark Ages!

MINNEAPOLIS - Ah, those wacky Chinese.

"The Chinese are making what kind of wine? Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!"

Is there no creature that flies, swims or waddles from which they will not extract some body part, pulverize it, put it in some elixir and claim it possesses some extraordinary health benefit?

Consider three-penis wine.

We’re not sure what it’s supposed to do, how it tastes or how it even came to be, but it certainly carries a hefty price tag.

We just wonder how it can be certain it actually contains seal penis. Who’d know? Maybe it contains some other kind of penis. That’d be something of a rip-off.

Despite these crippling economic times, when we feel the need for alcohol-induced oblivion, we think we’ll stick to bourbon, gin, vodka or Sterno.

For more obscure potables, please visit The Bottle Gang.

HOME OF THE BRAVE - Nothing is certain, they say, but death and taxes, but what if you decide to blow off the tax man today?

Feelin' lucky, punk?

Well, the folks at Slate have some answers for you. And you’ll be surprised at what they’ve found.

You’ll also feel like an idiot if you’ve filed already.

The real question is: “Do you feel lucky?”

LOS ANGELES - The American Civil Liberties Union is calling for sweeping changes at the Los Angeles County’s Men’s Central Jail.

Imagined it packed with inmates.

In a statement, the ACLU said that dangerous overcrowding at the jail causes or contributes to violence and mental illness.

Describing conditions at the facility as “nightmarish,” Margaret Winter, associate director of the ACLU National Prison Project, said that “Men’s Central Jail is so grossly overcrowded, dangerous and dungeon-like that it puts intolerable stress on the inmates, as well as the jailers.”

For more, go here.

SAN FRANCISCO - As economic woes deepen, more Americans facing legal problems are representing themselves.

Guilty ... of being poor!

Judges don’t like the trend, saying those unfamiliar with the legal process miss deadlines, don’t bring proper documentation and are often overwhelmed by court procedures. The result is that these poor souls are likely to do poorly in court, regardless of the merit of their cases.

In other words, things are pretty much the same always: if you have money, you’ll do okay in an Amercan court of law. If you’re poor, you’re doomed.

For more, visit here.

MIAMI - The increase in foreclosed homes is proving beneficial to the homeless.

Available for immediate occupancy.

Through the action of advocacy groups across the country, homeless people are being moved, Underground Railroad style, into empty homes despite having no legal right to do so.

In some cases, the squatters are required to perform repairs and maintain the properties they have occupied.

The New York Times has the full story.

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - We know this current recession is bad, but is it leading to fried chicken armed robbery?

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's fried chicken.

A couple was robbed at gunpoint for their take-home sack of Popeye’s fried chicken.

The pair, who were walking home, were cruised several times by a group of men in a burgundy Pontiac who taunted them repeatedly.

Eventually, the Pontiac stopped and one of the men got out, pointed a shotgun at the couple and said, “You know what time it is. Give it up.” He then ordered the couple to hand over the chicken or be shot.

The robber also took the woman’s purse.

For more on this side order of urban drama, visit here.

Don Grady, who played Robbie Douglas on TV’s “My Three Sons, went on to be the drummer for sunshine popsters the Yellow Balloon. He avoided the whole “actor/musician” quandary by wearing a cheesy disguise and using the name Luke R. Yoo.

As a self-proclaimed “music historian,” Billy Bob Thornton should have known that and taken it as a lesson.

NEW YORK - The New York Times delves into the growing phenomenon of  Americans becoming increasingly paralyzed by fear and worry as we head ever deeper into the Great Recession.

These days, that number seems a little low.

Look, times are hard, don’t kid yourselves, but is trembling in terror really helping things?

We think not.

It’s time to cowboy up, people. Set your jaw and dig in your heels. Giving into fear and worry is self-indulgent.

Stand tall and show some sand.

Franklin D. Roosevelt would be ashamed at your quivering antics.

And you’re not doing any good to the people around you. Attitudes are contagious.

LOS ANGELES - The kind folks over at Newsweek have published some information regarding tax deductions that could prove useful to those still needing to file for 2008.

Tax deductions: Here are some of which you may be unaware.

If you’re the captain of a whaling boat or the parent of a kidnapped child, you are in luck.